


Emptiness

by shattered_sian



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Dark Thoughts, Depression, INFINITY WARS SPOILERS, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Regret, Self-Hatred, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 03:48:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15040028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shattered_sian/pseuds/shattered_sian
Summary: Trigger Warning: heavy depression, self-hatred, and dark thoughtsSpoiler Warning: Infinity WarsThor sits under the stars and reminds himself of every mistake he made. Even with all these thoughts, all he feels is empty.





	Emptiness

**Author's Note:**

> Once again:  
> Triggers: depression, self-hatred, dark thoughts  
> BIG spoiler alert for Infinity War! If you haven't seen it and don't want it spoiled turn back now!

Nothing feels worse than to reach out and feel nothing.

There’s a misconception that emptiness comes with a certain weightlessness, but that couldn’t be more incorrect. Emptiness is heavy. Heavier than any material element, heavier than any object, heavier than people can conceive.

The worst part about emptiness is that it has no consistency. Some mornings he would awaken feeling a little numb, but capable. Other mornings he couldn’t open his eyes due to the weight that seemed to be crushing him. It made thinking hard. It made breathing hard. It makes living hard.

It made feeling anything other than broken impossible.

There were some nights where he would look up to the stars and wonder if part of him was still out there, floating and dancing along the starts. Celestial, eternal, godly. Other nights he wouldn’t be able to face the sky at all, knowing that somewhere out there was the last time he looked his brother in the eye. The last time he saw him breathe, the last time he heard his voice.

He replays the last thing he said to his brother in disappointment, wishing he’d something else, something more, something more loving or supporting, something that could have let Loki know how much he was loved. Something that could have summed up Thor’s pride of being his brother.

Anything other than what was said.

He wishes he could have comforted him as he passed. He wishes he’d had the strength to break free. He wishes he had the strength to snap Thanos’ neck, get the revenge his poor brother so badly deserved.

But he doesn’t have the strength, and he realizes as he looks up to the pale stars that without his brother he has even less now.

So here he sits, shrouded in shame and sadness and self-hatred and _emptiness_. He curses it all, Thanos, life, fate, but most of all himself.

Loki died hurting. He died crying. He died protecting a stupid brother who deserved to die in his place.

Thor lays back on the cool grass below him. Even with all the guilt, the shame, the hatred-

All he feels is empty.

Dead, cold, helpless, and _empty_. 

**Author's Note:**

> Want more? Have a request? Follow my Tumblr. > shattered-sian.tumblr.com


End file.
